


Oh, Shucks

by seashadows



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 12:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seashadows/pseuds/seashadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murderface finds Toki absolutely irresistible. Alternate version of the episode "Goingdownklok."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, Shucks

Toki’s ass was staring at him. Those fucking pink panties - which Skwisgaar had probably tricked Toki into buying, saying they were European boxers or something – barely covered the perfectly round, muscled cheeks, which were even perkier than most of the tits Murderface had seen on the other guys’ groupies. Why didn’t anyone ever talk about how nice guys’ asses were? _Not_ that Murderface was gay, of course, but he couldn’t help thinking about asses when there was one staring him _right in the face_.   
  
“Isch it hot in here?” he blurted out. Toki had been complaining about the heat in the laundry room just a minute ago, so maybe the dumbass would take that as a legitimate excuse for the sweat on Murderface’s forehead.   
  
Toki’s ponytail swished as he straightened up and turned to face Murderface, cocking his head. “Kindas,” he said, eyebrows contorted in confusion. “Wowee, you’s all sweaties. Wanna go to de kitchens and have a popscockles?”   
  
Murderface gulped. He could just imagine Toki grabbing a popsicle out of the sub’s tiny freezer and idiotically, happily, _obliviously_ sliding it in and out of his mouth, probably moaning and saying “Wowee!” the whole fucking time. Stupid dildo kid didn’t realize how fucking hot he was. Wait. Hot? Fuck, Murderface wasn’t –   
  
“Moidaface?” Toki put a hand on his shoulder and leaned in. “Am you okays? You goes all quiets.” Up close, his eyelashes looked even _longer_ than usual – and fuck, those lips. Those fucking lips. They were parted and pink under the laundry room’s low lighting, and they were doing things to Murderface’s dick that he didn’t even want to _pretend_ to understand.   
  
Fuck being gay; they were the only ones in here. Unable to resist a second longer, he lunged forward and covered Toki’s lips with his own.   
  
He only had time to give half a thought to whether or not Toki would report him for sexual harassment before Toki started kissing him back…and then slipped on his roller skates, falling backwards and hitting the floor with a sound that made Murderface wince. “ _Ow!_ ” he yelped. “Fuckings skates! Dey mades me have a hurt ins mine ass.”   
  
“Well, you don’t wanna hurt _that_ ,” Murderface purred. Holy shit, where did that tone come from? He shook his head and held out a hand, then retracted it. “Take thosche off, then I’ll help you up,” he said “Who caresch if you go around barefoot?”   
  
Toki shrugged and started unlacing one skate. “Why’d you kisses me, Moidaface?” he asked. “I likeds it, but amens’t you always says dat you’s not gays?”   
  
He couldn’t help bristling. “I’m not,” he said. With the fog of hormones starting to wear off, he cared again – at least a little – about appearances, although that was probably moot at this point. “Your assch wash…schtaring me in the fasche, and it wasch hot, scho I kissched you. It doeshn’t mean I’m fuckin’ _gay_.”   
  
Toki shrugged, peeled off his skate, and unlaced the other one. “Well, my ass ams sorries,” he said. “But why ams you stops? Did I tastes real bad, like de sours candies?”   
  
“What? No! I schtopped kisshing you ‘causche you fell on your assch, dumbassch.” Ugh. He didn’t know what he saw in Toki – not that he saw anything in him, of course! Just his fucking ass. And his face. And his unbelievably toned stomach. “You actually wanted to kissch me? I’m fuckin’ ugly, and fat and schit.” He’d said, and heard, the same litany so many times that it didn’t even bear repeating anymore. He was fat and ugly, and nobody would ever want him, not even the stupid sluts that the other guys got.   
  
“Ja.” Toki kicked off his other skate and stood back up. “So whats if you’s uglies, Moidaface? I gots a weird shapes nose and I not speaks English so very goods, but I likes you, and I wants to kisses you real bads. You mout’ tastes like de good candies, you know…de dark chocolicks.”   
  
Okay, now Murderface _knew_ Toki was off his rocker. He hadn’t even brushed his teeth this morning, much less eaten something as fancy-schmancy as dark chocolate. “I schmell weird,” he said. “Everyone shaysch scho. I bet I taschte weird, too.”   
  
“Mm-mm.” That stupid high ponytail shook from side to side as Toki shook his head. “I likes you taste, William. I proves it, okays?” He took Murderface’s cheeks between his wide, warm palms and leaned forward, giving Murderface just enough time to see his eyes grow bigger in his field of vision before Toki’s lips were on his.   
  
This time, he took the time to enjoy it. Toki’s mouth was warm, with chapped lips and a curious tongue that – oh, mother _fuck_ \- poked into Murderface’s mouth and touched his. He wasn’t sure whether the moan that ensued came from Toki or from him, or possibly from both of them, but he was sure as hell getting turned on enough to make noise.   
  
He was also bent far enough backwards that the edge of the washing machine was digging into his back. “Wait. Ow, Toki, schit.” He pulled away and glared at the stupid machinery that was interrupting his hard-earned kiss; as if in response, the thing loudly ground its gears. “We, uh, schouldn’t be doing thisch in here. Schomeone could come in, and I’m…um, kinda up againsht the wasching maschine here.”   
  
“Huh? I…okays.” Toki’s eyes were unfocused and cloudy, closer to Skwisgaar’s autumn-sky color than to his usual pale, wintry shade. “Wowee, Moidaface. I gots a boner.”   
  
“’Coursche you do,” Murderface replied, bending over and rubbing the pain out of his mid-back in a position that he realized was ironically similar to Toki’s just a few minutes earlier. His ass, however, wasn’t nearly as hot. “You’re makin’ out with schomeone. That’sh gotta give you a boner, even if it’sh me.” Wait. Did Toki’s boner mean that he wasn’t as repulsive as he thought he was? He’d have to think about it.   
  
“Mm-hm. We goes to my rooms?” Toki’s movements were slow, almost sleeplike, but still more deliberate than Murderface could ever remember seeing from the rhythm guitarist – it was as though arousal had finally made him fill into his body, instead of acting and moving like he was still in the awkward teenage phase.   
  
Putting a hand on Murderface’s hip, Toki drew him in close and kissed his cheek. “My rooms or yours, William?”   
  
“Either’sh fine.” It didn’t matter. This sub was fucking tiny compared to Mordhaus, and their rooms were all miniscule. Murderface didn’t have room for anything more than a _tenth_ of his weapon collection. “Ish your bed big enough to hold me?”   
  
“Hmm…” Toki rubbed his chin. The damn kid didn’t even seem to realize that absolutely everything he did, including _that_ , was sexy. “I gots de doubles bed in here. Dat’s bigs enough, right? You’s not dat fat.”   
  
“ _Hey_!” Murderface said. “I can fit into a double bed.” How the hell much did Toki think he weighed, anyway? “I bet your room schmellsh better, too.”   
  
“Aw, Moidaface, you smells nice. Like a mans.” Toki ambushed him with another kiss, a deep one, which surprised him enough that he let out a moan. “But in mine rooms, I gots nice softs blankets, and…” He looked down, blushing. “De lubes, an’ consdom, if you wants dem.”   
  
And here he’d thought the kid wouldn’t know sex if it smacked him in the face. Learn something new every day, huh? “Well, schure. I got all thesche callushesh on my hog – I wouldn’t wanna hurt you.” He preened a little, trying to imagine what it would be like to rub all those calluses against Toki, sensitive skin under them screaming in pleasure. Fuck, yeah.   
  
“Ja, dat’s rights!” Toki nodded enthusiastically and his eyes went wide. “You gots one such big cocks, Moidaface. Ams it gonna hurt when you fuck mes?”   
  
“I, uh…it schouldn’t. Doesch that mean you _want_ me to fuck you?” he asked. “Wait – no. What the fuck are we doing? Thisch ishn’t schexy. We schould talk about thisch _naked_ , in your room.”   
  
“Whats about my skates?” Toki said.   
  
“You can take ‘em with you, or leave ‘em, or whatever. Schomeone’ll bring them back.” Who the fuck else would want a pair of girly pink roller skates, anyway? Snorting, Murderface wiped his sweaty neck with the back of his hand and tried to refocus. “Come on, let’sch go. Where’sch your room?”   
  
“Right downs de hall!” Toki grabbed his hand (gay) and squeezed it, yanking him out of the laundry room. “I can smells de nice laundry des-kergents when I wakes up. It smells likes flowers!”   
  
Okay, whatever. Murderface wasn’t even going to dignify that shit with a response. “Sure,” he said as Toki ran down the hall with his arm (and the rest of his body attached to it) in tow. “Hey, careful. You’re gonna pull it outta the schocket.”   
  
“Sorries.” But Toki didn’t stop pulling until they had reached his room (which was decorated with a brown construction-paper puppy whose forehead read “TOKI’S ROOM” in bright red marker, _of course_ ) and were safely inside with the door locked.   
  
“Scho, um…” Murderface scratched his crotch and looked around. The place was pretty plain, all things considered; there were only a few model planes scattered around, and it didn’t look like Toki was working on any. Still, the bed was indeed bigger than the one Toki slept in at Mordhaus. “We, uh, gonna get naked or schomething?”   
  
Toki gave his hand another squeeze. “How abouts we kisses?” he said.   
  
“We already kissched.” And it was awesome, but now Murderface (and his dick) wanted more. “You mean, like, making out? In bed? That’d be okay.” He was getting even harder at the memory of Toki’s tongue flicking against his lips.   
  
Toki’s hand jerked in his, and he could both feel and see the rhythm guitarist shiver. “Ja, William, I wants dat. I likes de real cool huggings and kissings.”   
  
“Good. Cool. Then…let’sch, uh, schit down. On your bed.” Mother-pissing-hell. Why did he have to be so goddamn awkward? “Scho, uh, whaddya wanna do firscht? Make out?”   
  
“Sures. Come on, William, lies down.” Toki smiled and swept his arm wide, indicating the bed. “Ams okay if I on tops? I wants to feels on you boners an’ kisses you real hard.”   
  
“I, uh.” Okay, _that_ went straight to his boner. “Schure.” Clumsily, he kicked off his boots – stink be damned – and lay down, legs spread a little so that his boner was poking up against the rough khaki of his shorts. Freeballing officially _ruled_ when you were hard.   
  
The bedsprings creaked a little as Toki climbed up, then carefully laid his body down on top of Murderface’s. He was warm and solid, and not too heavy, and if Murderface wasn’t mistaken, there was something hard pressing against his own dick and making him groan. “Wowee,” he murmured when Murderface whimpered. “Dat’s one such hard dicks.”   
  
“Yeah, well, it doesch that,” Murderface said, and rolled his eyes. “Wanna tousch it?”   
  
“Mm-hm.” Toki carefully cupped him through his shorts with a palm so warm that it was almost as though he were touching bare skin. Damn, it felt good. “I feels it on mine dicks, too, William – dis hards. You feels?” The hand disappeared, replaced by Toki’s full weight on him, and that amazing erection pressing into his. “See? You am makes me all hards.”   
  
“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Murderface said, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lower lip with a shiver. “That’sch good – you’re, uh, schupposhed to be.”   
  
“I knows.” Toki chuckled. “You ain’ts got to teach me _dats_ , William. I kisses you now, okays?” At Murderface’s nod (when _wouldn’t_ he want to kiss Toki?), he dipped his face low, pressing their lips together again and slowly grinding his clothed cock against Murderface’s.   
  
Murderface growled deep in his throat and grabbed Toki’s hips, pressing his dick harder against the rhythm guitarist’s. “Fuck,” he said. “That’sch _good_.” He murmured the words between kisses, hot between their lips.   
  
“Ja, William – so goods.” Toki jerked his hips up and down, a motion that rubbed his cock in a long line down his own. “ _Mmm_ , I…I can gives to you de, um…a real cool…”   
  
“Blowjob?” Murderface finished.   
  
“ _Nei_ , ‘cause dat’s just – oh, you means a _blowjob_ blowjobs!” Toki laughed. His chest shook, and Murderface stiffened (both literally and figuratively) when those tight nipples brushed his. “Ams it gross to go downs on de guy?”   
  
“How the fuck schould I know?” _Dial it back, Murderface._ He shook his head and lunged up for another kiss. “I mean, well…I, uh, I bet it’sch grosscher to go down on a lady. And it’sch not jacking off, scho you can do it. Cornickelschon didn’t schay anything about schex.”   
  
Toki bit his lip and rubbed at his chin, like this was a problem that needed plenty of consideration. “Dat’s rights,” he said. “You’s real smarts, Moidaface. Can I licks you cock?”  
  
Fuck. Murderface hadn’t even _suspected_ that Toki knew how to talk dirty. “Schure. Um…lemme take off my schortsh, and you can - _oop!_ ” He blushed down to the tips of his toes as Toki yanked down his shorts; the move exposed his dick to the air, and it twitched eagerly. “Heh. You, uh, gonna schuck my hog?”   
  
“It’s pretties.” Toki contemplatively stroked the head, and Murderface whined. “And wets! Wowee, I wants to sucks it.”   
  
“Nnn, shit, me too.” Murderface let out another truncated shriek when Toki bent his head and took his cock between his warm, chapped lips. Was he fucking _humming?_ “Holy fuck, Toki!”   
  
Toki hummed again and sucked a little more of Murderface’s dick into his mouth. How the - _oh_. Now Murderface could see the use of Toki’s trick where he sucked a popsicle in and out of his mouth, using only his lips. “Mmf. Pretending I’m…I’m a popschicle?”   
  
Toki sucked him harder and stroked Murderface’s thighs. He guessed that that was sort of a yes. Oh, well – there were worse things than getting compared to a popsicle, and…fuck, there were better things, too. One of them was Toki’s tongue, flicking across the head of his cock and spreading around the wetness there. “Godpisschingdammit…”   
  
“Mm,” Toki said. The sound vibrated around Murderface’s cock and made it twitch again; he could feel heat swelling in his crotch. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to come in about ten seconds – ever since the label had put the kibosh on jacking off, he’d been so fucking hard all the time that he’d actually come in his pants once (which was why he’d even been doing laundry in the first place). “Mm – mm _hmm_.”   
  
Okay, make that _five_ seconds. Murderface went rigid all over, fucking Toki’s mouth with abandon as he came into his mouth. That soft brown hair on his thighs, blue eyes filled with arousal, even the mustache…there was no way he could pretend he was fucking a chick, and he didn’t care.   
  
Toki sat up and smacked his lips. “Ew,” he said, his face wrinkling. “It tastes all strongs an’ jizzies.”   
  
“Well, yeah.” Murderface panted a few times and wiped his sweaty hands on his shirt. “It’sch _jizz_ , Toki. What elshe ish it schupposched to taschte like?”   
  
“Ummm…” Toki licked his lips. “Vanilla puddings?”   
  
Whatever Toki had been reading, Murderface wanted to see it – and then rip it up. “Hey, come here, okay?” He patted his lap. “Wanna handjob?”   
  
“Oooh, _ja!_ ” Toki pulled his own pants halfway down his thighs and climb-waddled into Murderface’s lap. “You touches my dicks?”   
  
“Mm-hm.” He pulled Toki in a little closer and stroked the base of his cock, shivering when he felt curly hairs scratching his fingertips. For all the times he’d fantasized about doing this exact same thing to Toki, he’d never added in the details of an actual man. The guy sometimes didn’t even seem like he _wanted_ sex. “Doesch that feel good?” His voice rumbled against Toki’s back.   
  
Toki moaned his assent. “Dis ams a reach-arounds?” he asked, squirming on Murderface’s lap and pushing his cock into his hand. “Pickle ams tell me what’s de reach-arounds.”   
  
“Okay, one, schtop lishtening to Picklesch. Two…” Murderface made his hand into a fist and stroked it up and down the length of Toki’s erection. “Schut up and enjoy it. I’m not gonna do thisch every day.” That was a lie, since he wanted to do it to Toki twenty-four hours a day, but that would probably scare the kid. He grunted and started stroking up and down, letting his thumb rub the head of Toki’s cock and smiling when he heard moans.   
  
For a few all-too-short minutes, he kept his face buried in Toki’s shoulder and inhaled his scent as he stroked his dick. Toki gasped and pushed that delectable ass into Murderface’s crotch, cried out in Norwegian, and finally came hot and wet into his hand.   
  
“ _Oh_ ,” he sighed. “Wowee…dat’s all messies.”   
  
“Yeah, well…” Murderface looked at his smeared hand and wiped it on Toki’s duvet. Even he had limits, and from what Toki had said, jizz was fucking gross. “Isch thish gonna fuck up my wrishtsch?”   
  
“No, ‘cause it amens’t jackings off. Didn’ts you listen to Mr. Cornpickingskin?” Toki turned around and wrapped his arms around Murderface’s waist as he planted his face in his neck, taking deep breaths. “I wants to do dis all de times, William. I wants to shows you my ass an’ you can fucks me, and den tomorrows I shows it to you again when we’s wit’ de guys.”   
  
“You’re a teasche, Toki.” Murderface ran the fingers of his clean hand through Toki’s hair. “Juscht don’t make me get a boner.”   
  
“’Cause am embarrassingks?” Toki giggled. “Well, den you just jumps me. I gives to you de tickle fights, and de guys ams can puts it in deir pipes and sucks it.”   
  
Embarrassing the guys _and_ getting a tickle fight from Toki? Murderface was so in. “Hey, Toki?”   
  
“ _Ja_.”   
  
“Wear the schkatesch.”


End file.
